Starry Night
by CaveSpiderson
Summary: "In public, Ponyboy and I don't talk much. We just stand side by side, silent like statues, and let everyone else run their mouths. Once we got ourselves alone, though, we talked enough to fill a book or two. Sometimes we talked about important stuff, sometimes we talked about nothing... I blew out a breath of smoke and flicked my cigarette. "You ever kiss anyone, Ponyboy?" "


In public, Ponyboy and I don't talk much. We just stand side by side, silent like statues, and let everyone else run their mouths. Once we got ourselves alone, though, we talked enough to fill a book or two. Sometimes we talked about important stuff, other times we talked about nothing in particular; sometimes we didn't even talk at all, but the comforting feeling you get from it makes you think you are talking.

Our favourite place to go sit and talk was the fence surrounding the school yard after dark- we just smoke and watch the stars, mostly. Normally the dark gave me the willies, cause you never know what- or who- 's gonna jump out at you. When Pony's with me it feels a little bit safer. Even though he's younger he's got more courage than I ever could hope for. I jump at my own shadow while he would kick his to the curb. Sure he wouldn't pull a knife on it, but that wasn't important. He's braver than I am, is what I'm getting at. I'm not all too savvy with words.

The night was mild. We smoked in near silence. Our heads were tilted up at the sky, our butts were seated on the ground, and our backs were to the fence. It was peaceful out. Judging by the moon, bright and clear against the sky, it was maybe a little after midnight. Ponyboy would get in deep trouble if Sodapop woke up and he wasn't there in bed. I was almost envious; no one cared if I came home late or even showed up at all.

I blew out a breath of smoke and flicked my cigarette.

"You ever kiss anyone, Ponyboy?"

We liked to talk about anything that was on our minds- there was never any pressure to chew over something before you said it, even if it was dumb. If it was in your thinker it might as well be coming out of your mouth when you're talking with Pony.

He shrugged. Smoke fell over his lips like fog as he spoke. "Sandy kissed me on the cheek once, told me I was cute like a lil' kid."

"Naw, I mean like a real kiss, on the lips," I pointed my thumb at my mouth for emphasis. "Sodapop and Darry don't count, neither."

Pony took a long drag off his cigarette until it was down to the filter. He stubbed it out and breathed. I thought it was the prettiest thing in the world, watching smoke rise up against the star-speckled night sky.

"No, I don't reckon I have." Pony said at last. I accepted the statement with a nod and we went silent again. It didn't last long, because he added with a grin, "Why, you gonna kiss me, Johnnycake?"

My face turned dark red and my ears burned like embers. I could only shake my head as we shared an awkward laugh.

The thought wasn't entirely new to me.

Plenty of times I had thought of kissing Pony just because, well, why not? It wasn't like he was gonna go blabbering to everyone that we had stolen a short kiss under the moon. Plus there was no one around and neither of us had ever done it before... There weren't any immediate consequences I could think of and overall it seemed like a smooth operation. The hard part would be convincing Ponyboy.

As my awkward laugh died down, I finished off my cigarette and rubbed it out into the dirt. I wiped my palms on my jacket. I glanced over at Pony, who was sitting with his legs stretched out, arms folded behind his head. He watched the sky contently. I eyed his lips for a moment before focusing on his whole face.

"You ever think of kissin' someone?" I asked.

I had my elbows resting on my propped up knees, then my chin on my forearms. I really wanted to kiss Pony, just to see what it felt like, what it tasted like.

Once again he just shrugged his shoulders, seemingly forgetting his comment from before.

"I guess. Sometimes I see girls in the theatre and I think Golly, she's got some soft-looking lips. Wonder how they'd feel." A small smile graced his lips. "There's also a girl in my science class. She's kinda cute."

My heart sank into my shoes; I don't know what I honestly expected. Of course he would have a crush on a girl, like someone normal would. Man, what was wrong with me? I can't even remember the last time I looked at a girl and said she was pretty. Girls just... Don't do it for me. Not that I'd be able to get a girl, anyway- no girl wants a guy who jumps at every bump in the night and can barely protect himself, much less her. They want a handsome boy like Sodapop, or a strong one like Darry, or someone cute and easy to get along with like Pony. There ain't nobody who wants lanky, jumpy Johnny.

I sighed quietly. My head tilted back and rested against the fence with a rattling sort of noise. The stars looked nice in the crisp night sky, like little diamonds watching down on us. Stupid as it sounded, I almost wished that a shooting star would go past, just so I could wish upon it and have Pony kiss me. Or least give me the courage to do it myself.

I started to visualize kissing him, imagining how he would taste or if his lips were soft. They probably weren't, it was more likely that they'd be dry, or damp. I wondered if he knew how to kiss at all, where would he put his hands; I pictured us both leaning into it, all shy and sweet, his hand would go to my hair and I'd hold his cheeks. We both moan a little bit, even scoot in closer so that we wouldn't have to break apart. Pony's hands on me would make me melt and keep me warm in the dark night. We'd have to feel each other all over to get a better idea of where we were, images becoming more and more detailed as hands move downwards.

I didn't realize how hard I was blushing until Pony shoved my shoulder. He looked at me expectantly and I felt my face get even hotter.

"...What?" I asked, unable to think of anything else. I felt a little light headed.

Ponyboy pursed his lips. "I said 'Why are you askin'? Stuff like this ain't usually your can of coke.'"

I tried to get the blush on my cheeks to subside, but my attempts were fruitless. My mouth was dry like a desert. I twitched awkwardly, pinned down by Pony's stare. Shaking lightly, I shrugged.

"I... I dunno. Just curious." I lied.

Pony stared at me for a good long moment. A few yards away from us there was a street lamp, shining barely bright enough for me to see his face. His cheeks got a pink tint to them and there was a shuffle noise as he inched closer.

"I think I know why you're askin'... You wanna kiss me, Johnny?" The joking tone had left his voice entirely.

My heart stopped dead in my chest and my breath caught in my throat. Unable to form words, I licked my lips on nervous habit and nodded.

I half expected Pony to laugh in my face, expected him to say something like "A guy kissin' another guy? You're crazy, Johnnyboy" or even get up altogether and sprint away, leaving me behind shaking like a leaf. But he didn't do any of that. He leaned in closer, closed his eyes, and puckered his lips and wrinkled his nose the way you would when you were about to kiss your aunt; not that I'd know, but I'd seen others kiss their family like that.

My heart played hopscotch in my chest and I asked myself briefly if this was what I really wanted. What if it was just a sick joke, like something Two-Bit'd pull? Haha, lookit this, Johnny actually _wanted _to give me a big ol' smooch. Ain't that a hoot?

The thought twisted my gut, then I reminded myself Ponyboy wasn't Two-Bit or anyone else in the gang; he was his own special breed.

So closing my eyes, I leaned in and kissed my best friend.

It wasn't anything like I envisioned; we were both tense, neither of us quite knowing what we were doing. All in all, it was just our lips pushed up together. I didn't know where to put my hands, so I kept them in my lap. Although sparks shot up and down my spine, I had to pull away quickly after engaging cause I felt like I'd have a heat stroke I was blushing so hard. I opened my mouth to speak even though I had nothing to say. My lips tingled a little.

"Pony, I-"

Then he did something that caught me off guard; he grabbed the collar of my jean jacket and jerked me forward. Our foreheads conked together, leaving me dizzy for a moment. I was blinking, trying to get the pain away, when he kissed me open on the mouth- no more puckered lips, no more modesty. There was a rush to how he kissed me this go around, one that must have infected me as well because I grabbed the sleeves of his coat and kissed back as hard as I knew how. Our mouths moved feverishly and I felt his teeth nick my lip a couple times; all I could find myself able to do was moan into his mouth and suck in a breath whenever I could.

We stayed that way for a long while, although occasionally our hands would slide down and feel whatever was there to feel; a few times Pony's hands went to explore under the open flap of my coat, only to retreat and grab the collar again, as if he was afraid I'd pull away. The most adventurous I got was when I turned and got on my knees to face him. He soon followed my lead and our bodies got pressed up against each other; he felt thick and strong compared to my flimsy frame.

At some point, it became obvious that our once innocent kiss had grown up into something much more- the guys would have called it face sucking, but there wasn't a lot of sucking going on, except for when Pony broke and kissed down my neck instead. He had sucked a little bit at first, then did it so hard I let out yelp. I could feel the place where the hickey was forming.

My hands constantly shifted between his shoulders and his arms, before I worked up the courage and grabbed a fistful of his hair; I tugged his head back, but not enough to hurt him, and kissed his jaw and neck too, like he'd done to me. Unlike him, though, I didn't leave a hickey. A shutter ran through my body when he arched into me and breathed out "Oh, Johnny".

I'm sure I could have kept kissing Pony forever- he tasted like cigarettes and faintly of chocolate- but slowly our undeniable make-out session died down; it went from being a hot and passionate clash of lips and teeth to gentle kisses on the lips and jaw, until it became us just staring at each other, lips wet, and panting. Pony held the collar of my coat firmly, just staring at me, mouth open as he panted. I almost wanted him to kiss me again, just so I could taste him once more, but he didn't.

"Wow," I managed weakly. My knuckles were turning white from gripping the shoulders of his jacket so tight.

Pony nodded absently, looking off to the side. "That was... That was somethin' alright."

"Pony, I think I really liked that," I really had no reason to say it, I wasn't moaning before because it tickled, I just wanted a reason to talk to him more. My hands slid bonelessly off him and hung limp at my sides.

"Yeah, me too." He replied. He looked at me and gave me a smile as he tried to cock his brow like Two-Bit. He unhanded my collar as well. I laughed and cupped his cheeks, just like I had in my little fantasy, then kissed him. It wasn't at all like our make-out before; this was soft and gentle, just us holding ourselves there. He touched my hand and I shivered hard. When we broke our kiss, he stood and pulled me up too. He didn't let go of my hand, even while we were leaving the schoolyard and towards the sidewalk.

"Soda's gonna have a whole barnyard if he finds out I ain't there," Pony was saying.

I laughed as we turned onto the sidewalk. The Curtis house was only a couple blocks from where we were, so I suspected we could make it there without any trouble. When we passed the first streetlight, his clammy hand tightened around mine.

I couldn't help but think of how good and weird it felt to hold Pony's hand; I hadn't really done a lot of hand-holding before now, except for the time when I was walking home and I met up with a girl from down the road. She was a greaser like the rest of us and asked me to walk her home since there was a couple Socs following her. You can never be too careful around here, so I agreed. She was pretty enough, I guess. As we were walking she slipped her hand into mine and I couldn't help but think that even she was braver than I was; once we got to her place she gave me a gracious smile and told me she owed me one. Standing here holding Pony's hand sure felt a lot different than that girl's. His palm was sweatier and not as soft. He had fingers made from blocks, practically, much like the rest of us. That girl had slim and pretty fingers that I felt were too dainty to fit properly on someone like her. Plus, I liked holding Pony's hand a lot more. It was comforting and made my heart race.

The only time we let go of each other was when a car rolled by and whoever was in it asked where we were going at this hour and if we needed a lift. Ponyboy told him that we were practically at our front steps already. Once the car drove off again, he turned to me and asked, "You staying the night, Johnny?"

The way he asked it made me feel like it wasn't as much of a question as it was an invitation. I took his hand again and smiled.

"Sure."

I didn't realize how chilly it was outside until we got into the Curtis house and it was like being hit by a wall of heat. We paused in the entryway long enough for Pony to peek around the corner into the living room then give me a chaste kiss on the mouth. Even though neither of us agreed to it, I think it's safe to say that were unofficially together. The thought excited me greatly, set butterflies loose in my stomach. I wanted to jump for joy, but all I could do was whisper a good night to Pony and make my way into the living room as he went up the stairs to slip back into bed with Soda, who hadn't noticed the absence as of yet, considering nobody was down stairs pacing and worrying.

Their couch wasn't the softest or most comfortable, but it beat sleeping on the ground by a long shot; I pulled the blanket draped on the back over myself and ended up falling asleep in record time.

My lips were still tingling as I slipped off into dreamland. All I could think about was how I wished every night could be as chilly and nice, with the moon bright in the cloudless, star-speckled sky, and Ponyboy holding my hand, sharing a smoke, and giving me kisses.

I can't quite say I know what love feels like, but I'm pretty sure it goes something like this.


End file.
